Stick to your task

Perseverance, stick-to-it-iveness, endurance; these are all words that make me want to die a little inside. I am of the opinion that there is nothing more difficult in this life than sticking to something worthwhile. Starting is easy, thinking and dreaming about it is a breeze, but actually staying with it long enough to make it mean anything, golly it's hard. I can't tell you how many times I've started something with really lofty goals and expectations only to lose steam after a few weeks and giving in to laziness. Whether it's been an exercise regimen, getting up at a certain hour, controlling some bad habit, whatever it is, I would guess, based entirely on my gut feeling, that I've given up on some 80% of all endeavors I've ever embarked on.

One of the most haunting statements I've ever heard (haunting because it struck so close to home) was made by then Elder Gordon B. Hinckley in the April 1975 General Conference when he said, "One of the great tragedies we witness almost daily is the tragedy of men of high aim and low achievement. Their motives are noble. Their proclaimed ambition is praiseworthy. Their capacity is great. But their discipline is weak. They succumb to indolence. Appetite robs them of will."

Now, I'm an endurance runner (not a very good one, so don't ask me about my times or distances, please?), and so I'm acquainted with the pain that accompanies a long run. If you're running hard, there's a point or period (or maybe just the entirety) of a race where you simply wish you could die. It's no longer fun, you hurt, you can barely breathe, you're starting to cramp, and you wish it were over. All you can do is try to impose your mind's will over your body's will. I suppose that the same stages occur in any long term deal. There will come a point that you just don't want to do it anymore, it's easier to quit, and frankly no one would blame you for doing so. The fun has gone out of it, and it becomes tedious, menial, and just plain hard. When you get to that point, I hope the following poem may be of use to you. My wise father made me memorize this poem when he coached me in basketball as a kid, and I've never forgotten it.

Stick to your task, 'til it sticks to you.
Beginners are many, but enders are few.
Honor, power, place, and praise,
Will come, in time, to the person who stays.

Stick to your task, 'til it sticks to you.
Bend at it, sweat at it, and smile at it too.
For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile,
Will come life's victories, after a while.
                                   -Anonymous

Why do we wake up already tired?

For so much of my adult life, I have dreaded waking up in the morning. I sleepily drag myself out of bed only when I can no longer lie down any longer without missing work or class. Remember those days as a kid when you would practically shoot out of bed at the break of day? If you're a parent, you are certainly very acquainted with this childhood tendency. When we were kids, things were exciting and new, there were things to see, zoos to visit, toys to be played with, friends to play games with, pools to be swum in. In case you think I'm just being nostalgic, I will also point out that childhood isn't all sunshine and rainbows. You have to go to school, which can be a bore. You have to sit around for what seems an eternity while mom talks for "just 5 more minutes" with her girlfriends. You haven't yet come to appreciate some of life's greatest joys yet, like cheesecake. Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that at some point, many of us, at least for certain periods of our life, lose the sense of excitement at the possibilities of a new day. I can't even count how many times I wished I didn't have to get up and get on with my day because everything I had to do that day was going to be hard, I looked forward to none of it, and even dreaded some aspects of what the coming day would bring.

So what is it that makes our head pop off the pillow in the morning (besides loud noises or children jumping on our guts)? How do we recover that zest for life? How do I learn to embrace the challenges of a new day instead of dreading them? I wish I knew, and I would be fascinated to hear your ideas on the topic. I'll offer some of my own suggestions, though I'll admit that I'm not the most reliable source for this topic.

Find something you're passionate about and throw yourself into it. And don't tell me you're fascinated by watching Parks and Rec or with browsing Facebook. Those aren't passions, they're just you being lazy. You can do better. Having something that really gets you excited and gets your mind running (or maybe gets you running, hint hint) will help you pop off the pillow every morning.

Live for someone other than yourself. A selfish lifestyle fosters indolence and sloth. When others are relying on you, you'll work harder and be inspired by loftier motives. If you don't have kids or a significant other that can be your "muse" or your person who inspires you to try harder, look for other sources. Volunteer or give service or do something, anything, that makes you reach outside yourself. For some reason we are genetically wired to try harder for others than we try for ourselves.

Live with hope. Hopelessness is a soul-crushing and utterly debilitating condition. The darkness that accompanies it can extinguish your desire to do anything. We've all been there. Maybe we've lost our hope because we put it somewhere or with someone that ultimately let us down. At the end of the day, there is only one source that can provide us with never-fleeing hope, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Foster the hope and faith you have in Him, even if it's feeble, it will help. It will give you the courage to face another day you may not want to face. Eventually, by small daily miracles that compound faster than Apple stock in the early 2000s, your formerly dark and dreary days will be filled with a joy and light that will make you want to jump out of bed when the alarm sounds.

I've learned that the best state of being to be in is being in a state of happy exhaustion (try saying that 5 times fast). You'll be so tired at the end of the day you'll sleep like a brick, and you'll be so happy with the life you're leading and the effort you're putting in that you'll hardly be able to start the new day. Be passionate, be selfless, be hopeful, embrace the new day with the crown of the head held high, and drink in the sunshine.

Settle for Our Lives

There's a very poignant song written by a really talented local artist, Rick Hale, called "Settle For Our Lives." I highly recommend you listen to it, not only because the melody is catchy and somewhat haunting, but also because of the message in the lyrics. It's really made me take a moment to consider where my life is going and if I'm just "settling" for whatever life hands me. We only live once, and it had better be with a purpose. Taking the path of least resistance will never lead you to the top of the mountain. I went ahead and transcribed the lyrics below, and I hope you can also take a moment to think about what your dreams are and if the way you're living is leading toward their fulfillment.

Settle For Our Lives, by Rick Hale

Link to the music video: https://youtu.be/PMPr7p4RYDw

I fit nicely in the corner in a box so well prepared,

Safely packaged in the doldrums, and barely coming up for air,

I used to have more faith but now, it all seems to have run out somehow,

And now, I hardly dream at all.

I bring it up in conversation with the folks that come my way,

And we talk about the box we only hope to leave someday,

Never really stepping out, but man it's fun to talk about

The chances we've been too afraid to take.

Now don't you think it's strange,

How we dream of things, but never really change?

So I thought that I could wonder on a course for bluer skies,

And they tried to hard the worry, but I could see it in their eyes.

People want to make-believe, but can't afford to chase a dream,

They make you think that you should never try.

Now don't you think it's strange,

How we dream of things, but never really change?

And we never question why we settle for our lives.

Some day out in the distance when I reach my time to go,

I'll be buried in a box along with everyone I know.

I hope to say I used my time on something I could leave behind,

'Cause memories are all we'll have to show.

Now don't you think it's strange,

How we dream of things, but never really change?

So we work our 9 to 5,

Living to survive,

And we never question why we settle for our lives.

Look Up, Reach Out

I've spent most of my life wishing I could be someone else. I don't mean that I literally wished I had someone else's life, it's not that at all. It's that I have always wished that I, me myself, could be someone who wasn't me, I wanted to be someone better. In my mind's eye I have had this vision of the person that I want to be, someone who's a friend to all, who's kind and really goes out of his way to make the lives of the people around him a little bit better. This person would understand that we're all a little unsure of ourselves, despite what we want others to believe. He would make the people around him feel special, like they were each his favorite. This person would be selfless and really put others first. But try as I might, I have never been able to actually be that person, not 100% of the time. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm so afraid that I'll live my whole life and look back and realize that I didn't even get close to being the man that I should have been. I know there is so much more that I could be but that I'm not.

I really don't know how to be that man that I should be. I work towards it, but fall so so short. I'm naturally shy and introverted, and interacting with people drains me. How can I give so much to others when it takes so much out of me? I fall into the same patterns of trying to be better and then giving up when I fall short yet again. How does one actually change their character and very nature? I've started realizing more and more that you really can't, not without help from someone in a higher place than you.

You may have heard the saying that you can't lift another unless you're already on higher ground. Well, I suppose then that there's nobody in a better position to help us than God. The motto I've begun trying to live by is simple, "Look Up, Reach Out." I think the first key to becoming the kind of people we ought to be is to look up to God. He sets the golden standard for how we should act and how we should be. He will also give us help as we try to be like Him. Without a fixed image of what we are trying to become, we will wander aimlessly in an impossible quest. We have to have his aid in this journey of self improvement. He wants to help. His touch won't immediately change us, but over time He really can mold us into greater creatures than we are, I've seen it happen. Once we fix in our minds where we are going and who our guide is, we need to reach out to the people around us. Love and serve, the basic tenants of human happiness. For me, the hard part is knowing, what part of the field do I start cultivating? Where am I needed? What can I actually do? But with an eye looking upward and a hand reaching outward, I think I'll probably be led to a place where I can make a difference, at least in my own small way. I have faith at least in that much. And so I return to the words I try to live by, "Look Up, Reach Out."

Feel doubtful, fearful, and inadequate? Join the club!

Have you ever known somebody who really seemed to have it all put together? Someone who just seemed to get it, or always appeared confident? Well guess what, that person, despite how they appear, often feels doubtful and inadequate, just like you and me! Self-doubt and self-consciousness are universal human emotions, we all feel that way quite frequently, so don't feel bad if you're afraid or unsure, it happens to all of us, and you're in good company. We know that faith and fear cannot co-exist in the same person at the same time, and we strive to have that "perfect faith (that) casteth out fear," but we're imperfect, and there's a constant struggle inside of us between faith and fear. It's a natural condition of living in a fallen world. Strive for that perfect faith, let God take away your fears, but don't get down on yourself when it doesn't happen right away. Some of the greatest  men and prophets in history felt much the same way as you do. An example.

When Spencer W. Kimball received the call to be an Apostle of the Lord, he felt hugely inadequate and overwhelmed by the weight that came with such a calling. Kimball was a man who often took to self introspection and who struggled with feelings of inadequacy, and here was a great man! He had been nothing if not successful in his life through a combination of grit and work and reliance on his God. Yet how inadequate he felt, just like each of us at so many junctions of our lives. He wrote that while he was wrestling with his doubts and fears, he climbed a nearby mountain and really let out what he was feeling to the Lord. Soon, his pains were calmed and he said, "my tears were dry, my soul was at peace. A calm feeling of assurance came over me, doubt and questionings subdued ... and I felt nearer my Lord than ever at any time in my life."

I am guilty so often of brooding over my own perceived sense of weakness and my many faults, sure that everyone can see them. But I realize more and more that most people are so worried about others noticing their inadequacies that they don't really pay attention to yours. And it shouldn't be a matter that concerns them anyways. If we focus and take our doubts and fears to the Lord and really want to be better, he'll help dry our tears and calm our souls. He did it President Kimball, He does it to me, and He'll do it to you. This much I know.

A shout out for Mother's Day

May I just say that I have the best mother in the whole world. I know that everyone says that, but in this case it's true. She's always been there for me and always has time to listen to me when I need someone to talk to. One of the things that I most admire about her is the way she managed to teach me not with lectures and words, but with a quiet example. I can only recall one or two instances where she had to scold me or punish me. She trusted me when I was growing up and in high school, and that made me never want to do anything to lose that trust. Even when she knew some of the stupid things that me and my friends were up to, she allowed me to make my own decisions, trusting that I'd make the right one, and I usually did, just because I always wanted her to be able to believe in me. Somehow, she managed to raise 7 great children, all of whom turned out good, healthy, and faithful. I know we drove her nuts at times, but she loved us unconditionally and taught us to be great. I can only hope to do half as good a job at raising my own kids that she did with us. Love ya Mom.

And I can't forget to give a shout out to all the other mothers in my life, my wonderful sisters and sister-in-law. What marvelous examples they all are of love and diligence in motherhood. They're the greatest examples and friends I have in my life. I hope the girl I someday marry will be as good of a mother as they have been. You guys are the best!

Look for the Gold!

Many years ago, my Dad gave a talk in church, the message of which has stayed with me ever since. The subject of his talk was "Look for the Gold." He gave an analogy of how miners will dig through several tons of dirt just to find some gold. They aren't looking for the dirt, their attention is fixed on that precious metal. He then asked, "when you look at others, are you looking at their dirt, or do you look for the gold?"

Each of us has a lot of mud and dirt, we are all works in progress, but somewhere down there, we also all have some buried gold. Do we look for that gold in others? Do we recognize the treasure in ourselves? Or do we let the dirt that's in the way distract us from digging down to find it?

A lesson I learned as a missionary is that even the most hardened person has good in them, if you're willing to look deep to find it. Remember that we are dual creatures, with a physical body and a spiritual soul. We sometimes let our worldly desires and wants overshadow and mask the spiritual part of us, but no matter how hard we try and pretend that we're alright, that spiritual side is still there and still hungers for fulfillment. I have been privileged to be able to see people find the gold in themselves many times and be able to find happiness and true contentment. I hope that in all our dealings with others, we work to discover that gold that's in each one of us. No matter how down you may feel, remember that deep down, you're a gold mine!